Lesbian Epidemic
by Agirl2Nerdy
Summary: A new epidemic has swept through South Park.   Suddenly all the SP girls have turned gay.   The boys think this is cool at first but then they realize that no one's getting any action anymore.  Is this just a new fad or something more sinister at play?
1. Chapter 1

Lesbian Epidemic: A new epidemic has swept through South Park. Suddenly all the SP girls have turned gay. The boys think this is cool at first but then they realize that no one's getting any action anymore. Is this just a new fad or something more sinister at play?

Chapter One

Kyle groaned in frustration. No matter what he did his stupid hair just wouldn't lie flat. Looks like it was time to bring out the hat again. Reaching for his green ushanka he looked at himself in the mirror.

"Who am I kidding?" He said out loud. "I don't have a chance in hell".

"Dude hurry up! We're going to be late again!" Stan's reflection appeared in the mirror beside his best friend's.

"Just a sec" Kyle said turning back to the mirror.

"Dude you spend more time in front of a mirror than a girl" Stan teased. Kyle snorted. They both knew that wasn't true. Kyle usually couldn't give a damn about what people said about his appearance but today was different. Today he had finally gathered up the courage to ask out his long term crush Bebe Stevens.

He knew that he had to make a move soon. Especially when Cartman started dropping numerous hints that he was about to the same. Although Kyle wasn't sure whether Cartman was sincere about it or whether he just wanted to piss the redhead off. You could never tell with fatass.

"Yeah do we have to stop at the supermarket again so can you get some more gell?" Kyle smirked. Stan had always taken more care of his appearance than Kyle did and had recently taken to styling his hair in the morning. Kyle had told him he was an idiot but so far the faze hadn't ended.

"Whatever dude" Stan said before noticing his best friend's downcast expression. "Hey what's up, you're not nervous or anything are you?"

"Well um a little" Kyle said looking down. He hated looking like a pussy in front of Stan but at least he could be completely honest with him unlike Cartman who would tear him to shreds or Kenny who would make some perverted joke at his expense.

"Don't worry man, you're a great catch" Stan grinned. "Your pale complexion, your nerdy habits, your fine ginger hair-"

Stan was interrupted as Kyle punched him on the shoulder. "Okay Stan I get it, come on let's go".

The redhead pulled on his hat and the two of them set out for school.

Kyle's eyes found Bebe almost as soon as he stepped inside the locker corridor. The blonde was as usual surrounded by a bunch of giggling and gossiping girls. Kyle sighed it was almost impossible to get her all alone. Girls at South Park High almost worshipped Bebe Stevens as much as the boys did but in a completely different way. They gathered around her for love advice and styling tips her word was gospel. They fought over who could do her hair and who could lend her clothes. She was a queen.

Kyle dreamily watched her and she joined in the giggling her beautiful blonde hair bouncing around her shoulders. She was like an angel in thigh high boots.

"Dude give it up seriously, you know all the Aryans have to breed with other Aryans to keep the race pure" snickered a voice at his shoulder.

"Would you shut up fatass! There's no such thing as an Aryan race! That's fucked up Nazi propaganda!"

"Whatever you say Jewboy" Cartman snickered. "Besides we'd look good together, we'd do our Country proud".

"No girl is ever going to want to touch you asshole! Let alone marry you".

"Hmmm well we'll put that to the test won't we Kahl" Cartman said smugly patting his friend on the shoulder. Kyle resisted the urge to punch him.

"Who's going to marry who?" Kenny had popped up all of a sudden. "Stan, I know you and Wendy have been going out since the dawn of time but goddamn it! You're life isn't over yet!"

The blond grabbed Stan's shoulders and shook him. "You're a fucking jock! There's plenty of women who want to fuck you. Goddamn it! Why can't I have a few?"

"Relax Kenny, Stan and Wendy aren't getting married" Kyle sighed. Turning his attention away from Bebe and back to his locker to get his books. His friends continued talking around him for a moment.

"Whoa woohoo!" Kenny cried excitedly and all three boys looked up.

"Whoa check that out dude" the boys turned around and saw what Kenny was on about. One of Bebe's close friends and an older girl they knew by sight but not by name were kissing up against the lockers oblivious to the world.

"Huh I didn't know Red liked girls" Kyle said confused.

"Dude do you have to analyze this now?" Kenny sighed. "We have girls making out for free right in front of us cut the social commentary".

"And you know Kahl gayness is something you just can't hide or else it explodes and you end up getting molested by the closest Mexican hobo in the street. So best come out now" Cartman added.

"God you're so full of bullshit asswipe" Kyle said turning away from the ongoing lesbian action whilst his three friends continued to stare slack jawed. Red and the other girl showed no sign of stopping.

"Damn I am so glad I came to school today" Kenny cried triumphantly. Kyle rolled his eyes. He shoved his books under his arm and started off towards his first class. Knowing that it would probably take his friends a couple of days to start discussing something other than Red and her new girlfriend. He wasn't interested. Red somehow just reminded him too much of his mother.

Kyle was in the advanced lit group without his three friends so he was able to watch Bebe without them being dicks to him. There were less of her giggly girlfriends in that class too so he'd have a better chance to talk to her without being so intimidated.

As he walked into the room he realized that he was in luck. Bebe was completely on her own sitting in the same seat in the second last row one seat from the left that was typically reserved for Wendy. It was such a rare moment. Bebe and her best friend were usually inseparable unless they were having a fight or something in which is was best to stay away from school for a few days. There were only a few of the nerdy nine graders who had been accelerated up sitting around the front of the class. This was a good chance as he'd ever get.

Trying to look confident Kyle strode into the room and straight towards Bebe. It took her a few moments to look up and realize he was there.

She smiled. Kyle felt a little weak it was such a beautiful smile.

"Hey Kyle" She said. "How was your weekend?"

"Not too bad" Kyle replied wishing that he was cool enough to have some interesting story to tell her. "How was yours?"

"Yeah pretty good". It looked like it. Kyle had never seen her smile so brightly. He took this as a good sign.

"Um so any plans for this weekend?" he asked slyly hoping to get the answer he was looking for.

"No not yet I might be going to party on Friday but I'm not sure yet, don't really know the guy well" Bebe looked down at her phone her gaze suddenly impatient.

"Cool" Kyle said. "So how about Saturday night are you free then?"

Bebe looked back up at Kyle confusion on her face as if she didn't understand what he had said.

"I guess so".

Kyle tried not to panic. Here came the hard part. "Well cool coz I was wondering if you'd like to go to the movies with me then there's the new movie-"

Bebe's face fell and Kyle stopped talking feeling himself go red.

"Oh you mean like a date Kyle?" she said the beautiful smile entirely gone from her face now.

Too late to deny it now but suddenly he couldn't verbalize his thought and instead nodded gruffly.

"That's really sweet of you" Bebe continued. "But I'm already seeing someone. It's kind of her friend's party that's on Friday".

Seeing someone! Since when? Then suddenly the whole sentence processed completely in Kyle's head with the emphasis on one particular pronoun.

"Wait a moment?" he said backing up. "Her party?"

Perhaps he had heard her wrong.

"Yeah, her name's Jessie. She's great Kyle. I'm so happy" Bebe beamed again and then seemed to remember how this came up in the first place. "But I'm sorry, I really do like you, just not that way".

"That's cool Bebe, talk to you later" Kyle mumbled slinking to his chair up the back like a dog. He couldn't imagine a more humiliating start to the week.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Kyle slumped towards the lunchroom hoping that Cartman wouldn't be around to hear his depressing news.

No such luck. Kyle looked up and instantly found the large boy's eyes looking into his own smiling in their own malicious way. The older boy had a talent for picking Kyle's moods especially when he was upset. He looked like a shark that had just got a wiff of particularly delicious blood.

Kyle sighed.

"Hey man how did class go?" Stan asked halfway through his ham sandwich. Kyle looked away grossed out.

"Class was okay" He said sitting next to his best friend and getting out his own lunch. He didn't trust the school cafeteria and always brought his own from home.

"Did you get a chance to talk to Bebe?" Stan persisted when Kyle didn't elaborate.

"Um" Kyle said looking away. Cartman was practically rubbing his hands in glee or he would have done if wasn't too busy clutching on to the mammoth burger he was barely holding on too. "Bebe's already seeing someone".

Stan and Kenny turned around in shock. As far as they knew Bebe had been single on Friday and Stan did know a little too much about her because he heard all about her from Wendy.

"What?"

"Who?"

"Does he go to our school?"

Kyle took a deep breath. "Um no she doesn't"

"She?"

Cartman burst out laughing chunks of his burger flew everywhere. "Ha ha ha! Oh this is too funny! Kyle you turn girls gay!"

"Shut up fatass" Kyle was fuming. Why did he have to be around? Why?

"Dude lay off" Stan said before turning back to Kyle. "Bebe's suddenly gay too that's weird".

"Um Bebe is not gay" Kenny said with a knowing smirk. "At the most she is bisexual. So it's not like it can't ever happen Kyle".

"Yeah" Cartman sniggered. "All you have to do is get labioplasty like Garrison"

"Dude not cool" Stan tried again. "I'm sorry Kyle that sucks man".

"Thanks Stan" Kyle said playing with his lunch that he had no intention of eating anytime soon.

"Whoa, who would have though Bebe Stevens into chicks?" Kenny sighed. "It's like I'm living some beautiful dream".

"Kenny!" Kyle snapped.

"Oh yeah right sorry dude" Kenny muttered but it was easy to tell that his thoughts continued. Kyle couldn't wait until the day was over. He just hoped that Bebe hadn't told too many people about what happened.

Kyle managed to avoid Bebe for the rest of the day and only punch Cartman a couple of times. He knew it wasn't a big deal really but he did feel a little heartbroken. He rocked up to all of his classes but didn't do much other than sit there and ponder. Was Bebe really interested in girls now? Or was she just saying so to avoid him? He couldn't decide which was worse.

When the day was finally over Kyle headed home with Stan in tow. It was the rough end of the year and homework was piling high so it always helped to have a super friend around to study with. Well most times, today Kyle just wanted some time alone. He didn't have the energy to pretend to be happy.

"Dude it's just a girl there'll be others" Stan tried to cheer him up.

_Right this coming from the guy who has a mental breakdown everytime his girlfriend picks a fight with him_ Kyle thought but didn't say. "I know dude thanks".

"It's just kind of weird, I've had to sit through Wendy and Bebe's gossip sessions more than any man should be subjected to that shit and she's the most boy obsessed girl I've ever known" Stan continued.

Kyle glared at him he wished that his friend would just drop it.

"It's almost like coming out is a trendy new fad or something what is it with girls anyway so superficial".

"What like the time you guys all thought it was cool to dress and act gay?" Kyle raised an eyebrow and Stan blushed.

"Can't we just forget about that episode dude?"

"Apparently not" Kyle said reaching out for the handle on his front door. The pair of friends had reached the porch. Kyle pulled on the handle and was surprised to find that it was locked. That was weird normally now his Mother would have been home with Ike.

The redhead felt around in his school bag for his key.

"Been kicked out of home dude?" Stan sniggered leaning up against the door as Kyle put the key in the door and turned the handle.

"If so they haven't done a good job of changing the locks" Kyle said pushing the door open whilst wiping his shoes on the matt outside.

"Hello!" The redhead dumped his bag in the doorway peering around the house. "Anyone home?"

Kyle was only met with a resounding silence that bounced off the walls. "That's weird".

Stan was already making his way to the kitchen. He didn't feel subconscious about raiding the Broflovski's cubboard he was particularly their third son and he felt as home here as he did within his own home it was the same for Kyle.

Kyle followed his best friend but the pair of them quickly stopped in their tracks when their eyes fell upon a sight that no sixteen year old should ever, ever see.

Mrs. Marsh and Mrs. Brofloveski were engaged in what appeared to be a particularly passionate kiss up against the kitchen bench. Sharon tenderly holding onto Shelia who had a look of pure ectasy upon her face.

"Dude!" Stan cried disgusting reaching for his stomach. Kyle was far too embarrassed to say anything he just simply turned away covering his eyes trying desperately to cleanse his brain from that absolute horror. This was enough to fuck up a completely normal sixteen year old for life.

"Mom! Shelia! What the fuck?" Stan cried out utterly shocked.

Shelia and Sharon blushed furiously and slowly disentangled themselves from one another.

"Ah boys we didn't think that you would be home so soon?" Sharon said desperately trying to smooth her clothes down Kyle could barely breathe.

"What is going on?" Stan demanded far more articulate at this moment than Kyle could ever hope to be.

"Well we're very sorry that you have to find out this way boys" Shelia's pudgy face was more flustered than normal her bright red hair matched perfectly in her face. "But Sharon and I are in love".

The two women positively beamed at each other obviously hoping that their two sons would share in their happiness. Stan's response was to throw up on the floor whilst Kyle could feel himself shaking. The redhead finally found his voice.

"What about Dad? And what about Randy?" he asked. "Do they know about this?"

"Actually we're planning to tell them tonight, we're sorry boys" Sharon said. "But this just feels so right".

"Ergh Mom can not say things like that you're not gay!" Stan cried.

"Well I'm sorry that you feel that way Stanley but I can assure you that we are".

"Dude" Kyle turned to his best friend absolutely freaked out. "Something is really fucked up".


	3. Chapter 3

South Park and it's characters are property of Matt Stone and Trey Parker. I Kissed A Girl is property of Katy Perry. No copyright is intended.

Chapter Three

It would be the most awkward dinner that Kyle would ever have to sit through and he would doing his best not to scream out in frustration. He was trying to look for a reasonable excuse to leave the table. Not that was likely, his mother was very strict about not leaving the table before everyone had finished. Even with much stranger things on her mind she would not let her boys forget about their table manners.

So Kyle sat there in the awkward silence sharing small looks of concern as their fathers dug into their dinner completely oblivious. Sharon and Shelia shared different looks with one another some were looks of anxiety others were too disgustingly soppy for Kyle to even think about. He shared a strange look with Stan who looked like he was on the verge of another asthma attack. Stan's older sister Shelley sat at the end of the table her listing to her ipod rather than engaging with the rest of the world. Ike of course was upstairs spending time with his own true love- his computer.

"Well this is nice" Randy forever saying the most inappropriately awkward thing without even realizing. "Why don't we do this more often?"

It was Shelia who cleared her throat unusually loudly she was never the one to keep quiet but today hell really had frozen over.

"Yeah that's a great idea" Gerald chirruped up merrily. The sound of clattering forks took over and the static from Shelley's ipod took over.

"Gerald, Randy we have something to tell you" Sheila finally spoke up. Kyle clutched at his stomach. He couldn't believe that his mum was just going to turn their lives upside down like this so suddenly.

"Okay shoot" Randy said focusing more on his baked potato than the awkward tension in the air. Gerald seemed to have picked up on it however. He peered up from his plate putting his fork down.

"What's wrong Shelia?" he asked detecting the nervous quality in his wife's voice.

"Well" Shelila cleared her throat but suddenly at the end of the table Shelley turned up the speakers on her iphone and Kyle could hear the song blasting through as if the headphones were in his own ears.

Sheila turned to Shelley with her glare of death but it wasn't enough for Shelley to notice. Sharon reached across the table to tug on her daugther's sleeve.

"Sweetie do you mind turning that down a bit this is important" she asked.

"What's important?" Randy asked suddenly catching on to the strange vibe all around him.

"Shelley!" Sharon snapped. "Turn your music down!"

One of Shelly's earphones fell from her ear and landed on the table blasting out for the whole house to hear.

_I kissed a girl and I liked it! _

Kyle couldn't think of anything more inappropriate to be playing at that point in time. He cringed and knew that Stan was reacting the same way.

Shelley slowly turned the sound down without saying a word.

"Thank you" Sharon said before turning back to Sheila a sickeningly love struck expression on her face. "Go ahead Sheila".

"Well Gerald, Randy" Sheila began again. "We know this is very difficult to hear but me and Sharon simply don't love you anymore".

Kyle clasped both his hands over his face the embarrassment was almost too much to bear. His mother had never been the most sensitive newsbreaker.

"Haha what?" Randy asked.

"What are you talking about Sheila?" Gerald asked.

"Well Gerald, me and Sharon have simply fallen in love" Sheila said as if she was announcing something as simple like they needed more milk for breakfast tomorrow.

Three jaws fell open and there was stunned silence for several awkward moments. Then suddenly the room erupted with confusion and yelling as everyone lept up from the table.

"What?"

"I don't' understand"

"We are going home right now Sharon!" Randy bellowed. "Shelley! Stan! Get your things we're leaving!"

"Randy please" Sharon sighed.

In the midst of the confusion Kyle heard a hammering at the door he was only to happy to go answer it even if he knew there was a high possibility it was going to be one of their neighbours complaining about the noise.

"Hello" Kyle said opened the door only a crack so that the neighbours couldn't just come barging in.

"Kyle" Wendy Testaburger was standing there looking a little more frazzled than possible. "Is Stan there? I really need to talk to him".

"Now's not the best time Wendy" Kyle said just as Randy burst out.

"If you were going to become lesbian you could at least fall in love with a hot lesbian!"

"Randy!"

"How dare you say that about my wife!"

"I'm not your wife!"

Kyle turned back to Wendy the conversation had just proved his point. However Stan was quick to peer around and realize that his long term girlfriend was standing at the door and he rushed over.

"Wendy" he said. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh Stan there's something really weird going on" she said forcing her way through the small opening and passed Kyle who frowned.

"Really?" Kyle said folding his arms. "We hadn't noticed".

Stan gave his best friend a look to shut him up.

"What's up Wendy?"

"Seriously Sharon? Seriously!" back in the kitchen Randy had been reduced to confused and angry incoherence.

"It seems as though you're getting a near exact demonstration only mine was staring my mother and father and the weird woman next door" Wendy said peering past Stan to watch the ongoing chaos in the kitchen.

"We really need to get out of here" Stan said.

Kyle nodded he shut the door behind him before quickly calling out a "We're leaving" to the oblivious adults.

He, Wendy and Stan quickly hurried along the footpath whilst Wendy explained to them that basically her mother had told her father that she was now in love with their nextdoor neighbour and was leaving him for her.

"But they barely know each other, they stop and talk about the weather when they're collecting the mail, up until today I didn't even know her name. And Bebe" Wendy took a deep breath shaking her head in confusion. "I don't get it".

Kyle hung his head at the mention of Bebe's name and how he had embarrassed himself earlier today.

"Dude something is definitely fucked up" Stan said.

"But what's causing it? Not every girl is suddenly turning gay" Kyle said looking over at Wendy who shrugged.

"Don't look at me like that I'm still mad for Stan" Wendy smiled and Stan grinned back.

"Okay" Kyle said steping in to ruin the sickenly sweet moment. "So what is it then?"

Wendy stepped away from Stan taking a deep breath. "I have a few ideas" she said. "Follow me".


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

In a large building in Denver a group of executives sat in a large loudly discussing their latest business strategy. Their attention was all on the whiteboard which showed a particularly colourful chart that displayed their success. They were all busy smiling and congratulating themselves.

"As you see gentlemen, our sales have never been better," the presenter grinned pointing out the rising columns on the graph. "And there's no sign of them slowing anytime soon, we're really onto a winner here".

The members of the group all beamed along with him, all of them unable to contain their excitement. All it seems, except for one.

The youngest member of the group Mr. Powell sighed deeply, his head in his hands he was staring outside the window, taking in the view of the city rather than staring at the chart.

"What up Powell?" The director said noticing his colleague's frown. "Surely you can't be upset about this?"

"I don't know," Powell sighed again. "Gentleman, don't you ever think that what we're doing is wrong?"

The other men in the room looked around at one another each displaying similar expressions of bewilderment on their faces.

"Wrong? How could this be wrong?" One of them cried outraged.

"Well, we're manipulating young girls, women all over the country," Powell said standing up and raising his arms. "All for the sake of profit, it's sick."

"Powell," the chairman growled. "If you don't want any part of this you can leave at anytime."

Powell nodded. "It seems I can't stop you, but at the very least, I think you should let her know, just to tell her exactly why she has become so popular."

"Corporate Brain washing?" Stan said quizzically sharing a quick look at Kyle trying to gage his thoughts.

Wendy nodded earnestly. She did not look in the slightest bit put off at how fucked up her theory sounded. "It must be, some business group is controlling the emotions of all girls in the country, turning their feelings into profit!"

"Ugh" Stan was confused. "Run that by me again?"

"How else could such awful CDs be selling so high?" Wendy said flailing her arms about. She was obviously upset that the two boys were slow in following her logic. "Don't you think it's strange? The moment this type of music gets popular, all the girls, all the women are suddenly falling in love with each other?"

"Actually I think it's kinda hot," a familiar voice sniggered and Wendy turned around furious.

"Dude? Where did you come from?" Stan said turning around and facing Kenny who had suddenly crept up on the three of them. A devilish spark in his eyes.

"Oh I forget that every girl in the world clearly exists for the purposes of your own sexual gratification Kenneth, how stupid of me!" Wendy snapped.

"Hey no big deal," Kenny said smiling at her. "I'll forgive you".

"Urgh!" Wendy stamped her foot. "Can't you guys see that we have a serious situation ahead of us, if all the women in the world convert to lesbianism then the human race will die out, there will be no use for you guys!"

"Oh I think we'll be far too busy to find any use," Kenny said raising his eyebrows suggestively. Kyle could tell that he was in real danger of getting slapped.

"But, why would increasing rates of lesbianism, increase record sales?" Stan asked.

"And how does that even work?" Kyle asked staring at Wendy who spun around to face him.

"I'm not sure, but we have to find out."

"How are we going to do that?"

"Awww!" Kenny complained kicking at the snow on the ground. "Do you really have to stop the lesbianism, think of the children!"

Wendy narrowed her eyes at him before ignoring him completely and turning to answer Stan and Kyle's questions.

"I'm not sure, but I know if we can find the publicists headquarters I bet we can find out!" Wendy said determination flashing through her eyes.

"Ugh, why does it always fall upon our shoulders to save the world?" Kenny said shrugging.

"No one asked you to come here!" Wendy yelled scaring Kenny before calming down and looking at the other two boys.

Both Stan and Kyle looked a bit hesitant about taking action as well. Wendy sighed sensing their apprehension.

"Well, I suppose you guys are happy with your fathers being miserable whilst your mums go and make out with eachother!" She snapped.

Kyle and Stan cringed.

"Wendy, dude not cool!" Stan said shuddering at the idea of his mum and Kyle's mum being intimate with one another. It was enough to send him into therapy for decades.

Kyle took a deep breath. "Okay, we'll come with you, where exactly are we going?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"We have to act naturally," Wendy whispered. "We can't look like we're out of place."

"And I'm sure we're going to accomplish that by standing around whispering suspiciously," Kyle rolled his eyes. He still wasn't sure what Wendy was doing or what her grand plan was and he was growing tired of it.

The dark haired girl scowled at him.

The four of them had arrived at the Head quarters of an Entertainment Marketing and Producing company. Glamourous looking people were walking to and from the building. Every now and then a pair of women (and sometimes more) would randomly start making out with great desperation and fervor.

"Sweet!" Kenny grinned widely as four women dissolved into a pair of noisy affection in front of him.

Wendy nudged him harshly.

"Oww!"

"We have to do this or else w'ere never going to stop this-this evil!" she stamped her foot.

"Yeah evil," Kenny said barely paying attention to anything Wendy said or anything else around them for that matter.

"C'mon!" Wendy hissed tugging on Kenny's arm and Stan and Kyle followed. Slipping into the door past another pair of lovestruck women.

"Hold on nyah!"

The four students jumped surprised. They were so sure that they'd gotten in unseen but a rather large security guard was blocking their way.

"I will need to see your identification please"

Kyle peered at the guard scrutinizing him. "Cartman? What the hell are you doing?"

"Well it seems your Jew nose must be obscuring your eyes Kyle, I'm working."

"You fatass don't-" Kyle was about to follow up with a more detailed insult but Stan held him back. It might not matter if Cartman denied them entry but there were several more officially looking security men who were now looking over in their direction.

"Leave it dude," Stan whispered to Kyle. "What are you doing Cartman?"

"What am I doing Stan," Cartman asked relishing in the attention as always. "What am I doing? The question is what the fuck are you doing replacing me with Mrs. Hippy Bitch period pants!"

Wendy was about to strike out at Cartman but Stan rushed forward to hold his longtime girlfriend off. It was too late though, they had already caused a commotion.

"What seems to be the problem here?" One of the security guards had wandered over to them peering through dark sunglasses that clearly weren't necessary inside the building.

"Um, I have a meeting with my manger" Wendy blurted. Kyle stared at her. How exactly did she plan to make this one work? He folded his arms and stared almost adopting the same pose as the security guard, half amused. "And the marketing team, they were going to go over my contract you know."

Kyle looked at Stan in disbelief. Now they would be kicked out for sure and the whole trip had been wasting and he would have to go back to his newly broken family.

The security staff stared at Wendy for a moment as she stood there trying not to bleep. Then suddenly he grasped her hand.

"Oh! You must be their new act Tiffany Blitzer! They were so excited about you!" The security was beaming as he shook Wendy's hand furiously.

Kyle stared unbelieving.

"Aha yes that is me and this is my entourage," Wendy said grouping Kyle, Stan, Kenny and Cartman around her with a sweep of her arms. Kyle tried to grin as though he was usually in such a close proximity with his best friend's girlfriend.

"That's us," Stan said as unconvincingly as possible but the security guard was jumping up and down so much that he didn't even care. He just simply gave them the room number and directions, bouncing up and down in excitement as he did so.

Kyle took the elevator up to the top floor where the executives were waiting.

"So what's the next part Wendy?" he whispered to her still unimpressed. "You might be able to make those guards think you're a up and coming popstar but how are you going to convince actual entertainment business professionals?"

"Yeah you're no way near anorexic enough to be a popstar!" Cartman said and Wendy elbowed him sharply in the ribs. She stormed out of the elevator leaving the guys to follow her.

She was so determined that she almost knocked a guy in suit to his feet as she stormed towards the room. Only collecting her senses at the last moment.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

The businessman looked up at her bewildered. "You're, you're not our new client are you?" he asked grabbing onto her hands desperately. Kyle watched as Stan stepped forward possessively looking for an excuse to hit the guy.

"Yes my name is Tiffany Blitzer!" Wendy said brightened up. Kyle couldn't believe that anyone would mistake her for a popstar. She just looked so ordinary standing there in that same purple jumper that she had worn forever over old jeans. "Please to meet you!"

"Oh!" the businessman replied his knees quaking. "I can't let you do this, please you must come with me all of you!"

He grabbed onto Wendy and tugged on her arm. Stan put his body in their path.

"Hey what do you think you're doing?"

"Ugh yes this is your client after all!" Kenny chimed in having been silent all this time.

"I'm sorry but I can't lie to you! I have to show you this you must come with me!"

"Aww and he's not even offering us some kind of drugged up candy, what kind of child molester are you?" Cartman asked.

"You have to trust me, if you sign with this agency then you'll be letting their insidious marketing techniques continue!"

Kyle exchanged a glance with Stan. Maybe this man could lead them to the truth.


End file.
